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Things are going by so quickly - it's almost Hallowe'en. I'm working on a special bit of entertainment at the feast, and I can't believe it's coming so quickly. Things have also been unnaturally quiet. The Slytherins haven't been up to much, which makes me worry that they're up to something big. Let's hope that this Hallowe'en will be relatively uneventful.

At any rate, welcome back Harry. I'm particularly glad you've returned; I wasn't certain how long you'd be gone.

I have to go practise that new Transfiguration spell. If you want, you and Ron (and anyone else, for that matter) are welcome to join me in the Common Room.

Current Mood:
calm calm
Current Music:
blessed quiet
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I somewhat overreacted today when Damascus brought up Ron. I don't know why I've been so sensitive about him lately. It's just Masca that brings him up, too, because he knows. He knows how I feel. I don't know how, but he can tell. WHY CAN'T HE TELL? Why do I have to feel this way?

Maybe I just feel like he's too busy to bother with me. Not that I have anything to be busy with. Come to think of it, maybe I'm the reason that we haven't been around each other lately. Maybe it's my fault, and I have no reason to be upset with him.

I'm so confused. But maybe I'm not, maybe I'm just thinking things through too much. Maybe all I want is Ron to hold me to be loved. I don't know what I want. I want you

I wish there was a potion I could take for this.

Current Mood:
dizzy
Current Music:
my internal advisors arguing over what's best for me
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I hate this feeling. The last time I had it was during first year, before the troll incident that brought Harry, Ron, and I together. Damn Harry for having to leave. And damn Ron for being such a bloody prick that he can't even find the time to talk to me. My two best friends have almost abandoned me completely, and where can I turn? The rest of the school couldn't care less about me because they think that all I want to do is show them up. Were I to go to my professors, my reputation as teacher's pet would only intensify. So what the bloody hell am I supposed to do?

Contrary to popular belief, I don't want to study all the time. I'd love to look forward to a weekend off with my best friends. But I don't think I'm going to do anything but homework. Ron's got Quidditch practise and says to me, "I know you'll understand Hermione, you always do." Right. Blow off Hermione because she'll always be there when you come back. But damn you Ron, one day I won't be there and then what will you do? One day you're going to push me past a boundary that I can't even see.

I know there are people in this castle who would invite me to hang out with them if they knew how I was feeling. But I don't want pity. I just want to be held for a bit. I just want someone to genuinely want to be around me.


I hate crying. It's so useless.
Current Mood:
lonely lonely
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Well, it's been forever, hasn't it. DA's going well, though Masca and I need to cook up a lesson for next meeting. Classes have got me over my head.

Her attention was caught by some first year girls screaming down the corridor.

I have to go take care of this. I'm going to kill Ron, Seamus, and Dean if this was one of their pranks...

Current Mood:
grumpy grumpy
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I must admit, I don't quite know what to write about, but as it's been awhile since I've written, I thought it was high time for an update. Classes are going rather well, as is my independent Muggle Studies project, and midterms are coming up entirely too fast. Professor McGonagall's arranged for me to take the Muggle Studies midterm separately so that I can gauge my progress. Harry and Ron are still almost hopelessly behind, and infuriatingly enough, they don't seem to care! I'd have thought the looming NEWTs would be enough to jolt them both into becoming more serious about their studies, but so far it hasn't happened. Quidditch consumes them both.

Equally infuriating is the lack of any major happenings in this war against Voldemort. We'd gotten quite used to having our lives constantly at risk, so that this lull in action is disconcerting and dangerous. I constantly wonder when and where he'll strike next, and if we'll be ready if it's here. I have often pondered the thought, too, of him employing students as his Hogwarts "in" this year. Harry and I have been discussing the possibility of reviving the DA, but we haven't come to any conclusions yet. It really is a large responsibility, particularly for him. But Harry, it would be so helpful with our NEWTs!

I've been playing bad cop a bit lately, and I must admit I feel guilty, but I've just been doing my job. Masca, I know you're probably wondering why you got detention as well, but as I wasn't there and didn't see what transpired, I have to punish all who were involved. Make sure you go with Zach to speak to Professor Dumbledore about it. I don't care if you tell him I'm a bloody tyrant if it'll get you two out of detention.

I've been having nightmares lately, too. Always in the Department of Mysteries. On second thought, I don't really want to talk about it.
Current Mood:
blank blank
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I feel as though my entire world is turning upside down. We still haven't seen hide nor hair of Ron. And now Harry's exhibiting some quite unusual behaviour. He lost concentration while he was going for the Snitch (which I've only seen him do when Quirrell cursed his broom first year and when the dementors showed up third year), and then in the middle of a blazing row with Damascus and Caelan Keagan and Zach Lennox, he kissed Damascus. Now don't misunderstand me. I've nothing against Masca, Zach, their lifestyle choices, or their relationship. I simply had no idea a) that Harry was even harbouring thoughts like that, and b) that he could be so open about it. Am I really that dense that I couldn't see it all these years? Is there more I've overlooked? What if he was experimenting with Ron...

He certainly is thick enough to be straight. And that whole thing with Cho...so does that mean he's bisexual?

Really, I don't understand how I might've missed this.
Current Mood:
confused confused
Current Music:
the wind rattling the window
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Private from ProfessorsCollapse )
Current Mood:
furious
Current Music:
the expletives I'm utilising in my head
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What to do when you're confined to the tower. That is the question. I think McGonagall is going to murder Dean and Seamus. They've been practising the Bubble-Head Charm that Professor Flitwick taught us last class on poor Neville. Because they've not quite got it right, they continue to blow his head up to look like a balloon, instead of the bubble being safely around the head. Viktor taught me how to do it fourth year, and I'd offer to help, but I doubt they'd accept. It seems as though they're rather enjoying themselves, although the first time McGonagall saw Neville, she was practically beside herself. She had to leave me in charge while she went to find Professor Flitwick for the proper reversal Charm, although she luckily wrote it down for the next time. I made note of it myself, because I think it might be useful to know how to fix an improperly placed Bubble-Head Charm.

Harry has a bit of cabin fever, I think, and is scheming to get out of here. I don't know if that's really the best idea, but what choice do I have but to help him? He's so involved with every problem this school has had since first year, I can hardly expect him to sit around and do nothing now. And I must admit, I've gotten so used to being privy to the clandestine happenings of this school, I'm curious myself.

Besides, it'd probably do me some good to get away from Lavender and Parvati. I have a hunch they've made it their year-long goal to "make me over" - you know, makeup, fashionable clothing, and all - and I really do not want to be here when they decide today is the perfect day to try out their plan. Caring about your looks is all right some of the time, but it's certainly not for me on a day-to-day basis. They've been talking loudly in the dormitory about how important first appearances are when you're trying to find a job, hinting to me and such, but I say if someone doesn't want me with my school record, then it's their loss. I'd much rather get a job based upon how many NEWTs I receive than how I look.
Current Mood:
bored bored
Current Music:
the incredible noise in the Common Room
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Well, my birthday was a few days ago. Mum and Dad sent me a beautiful gold necklace with a diamond pendant, and Mum wrote me a wonderful letter that made me cry. You know one of those "I remember when you were just a baby but now you've grown up to be a wonderful young woman and I couldn't be more proud of you" sentiments. It really was lovely, and it means a lot to me. One of those things that you think may become a family heirloom. Maybe one day I'll give it to my daughter on her eighteenth birthday.

Anyway, my birthday was quiet and lovely, just as I like it. No imminent Voldemort attacks (that we can foresee) and it seems like the library fiasco has finally calmed down.

I only spent three hours that day on homework, too.

Current Mood:
nostalgic nostalgic
Current Music:
Lavender and Parvati gossiping
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I know this is cliche to say, but I feel as if no one understands my position on things. I don't want to become like the Ministry was during the last Voldemort scare, casting suspicion everywhere. But when I come across something that suggests suspicion, isn't it only my duty as Head Girl to do what I can to prevent it? I daresay I have an obligation to Professor Dumbledore and to Professor McGonagall, who sponsored me, to do the duty that was laid out for me and which I agreed to accept.

We all know that my past record isn't exactly spotless, but that's not what's going on here. I'm looking out for the students of this school, and neither do I want to see friends get into trouble for something petty. No one understands how tight security and the tolerance policy is here. I shouldn't be saying this, but Dumbledore is concerned...that with some of the seventh years who are coming of age...we may be in danger.

And I know that corroborates what you expressed earlier, Harry, about a certain blond ferret, and I apologize. It's just such a dark thing to ponder.

Maybe I'll go knit for awhile. Not for the elves, but I am thinking about doing Christmas presents.

I'm sorry to those I offended, but - it's for your own good, you know.
Current Mood:
grumpy grumpy
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